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| I haven't blogged in ages, but just wanted to share this offa deviant art.
LOLOLOL
It's called a Number Three!
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| So, I didn't do everything the way I had planned in the wee hours of the morning, but the day was interesting nonetheless. Went to sleep around 5AM, got a wake up call around 6ish. Went back to sleep until 9/10ish.
I ended up going to the Ice Creamery in Castro Valley with my neighbor Aileen and my little brother Daniel around 3ish. We barted and walked, and walked right past it cause I'm a loser. We ate yumyumyum. I got a half pound creamery burger with delicious fries and finished with some mint cookie ice cream and rainbow sherbert. Then we decided to go to the movies, but the theater in CV sucks so we went back to Bayfair where it sucks less. I didn't want to watch a movie with Daniel though so we killed time in the mall at the Lorenti store and the massage chairs and Old Navy and the kids play area. Not in that order. Daniel got a balloon animal from one of the weirdest clowns I have ever seen and I taught Aileen how to make paper stars. My dad picked up Daniel and Aileen and I went to go watch The Ugly Truth. THANK YOU MICHAEL LEE for abandoning your delicious duck to come purchase the rated R tickets for me since I have no ID to prove that I am 17 years of age. Thank you Cera Wong for giving me free popcorn in a tray.
I liked the movie. I shouldn't have brought Aileen to it though. Totally inappropriate for a 12 year old. But she picked it! HAHAH. XD Good laughs.
Came home and worked on some Key Club stuff. Facing some serious serious stress atm but I gotta get past it.
Anyone have any odd jobs that I can do for them to make some quick cash? I need $500 for a deposit quick.
Boo. I hate money. | | |
| Read this one instead it's shorter :D
There's a lot of things I'm worried about right now. But I didn't want to put it in the other blog cause that one was a catching up blog not a worry blog. I'm worried that I'll make the same mistakes I did before and push you away. I don't want to lose. I don't want to be alone again. But my stupid habit of building these walls may well just leave me in isolation again. I'm sick and tired of myself and I wish I could change.
HEY HEY! Let's get ice cream and burgers today.
ICE CREAMERY?
3323 Castro Valley Blvd.
Castro Valley, CA 94546-5601
9AM to Closing
Mention "Key Club" to your waiter/waitress to help out the Castro Valley High Key Club with their fundraiser!
:3 I doubt you guys will read this in time to go. But maybe, just maybe.
I put it on my facebook status and AIM away message too so hopefully that helps the CV club :D
Anyways what was I saying? Oh doode. I'm totally devasted that this year my home club has lost both our awesome Kiwanis advisor Jean Noll and our super nice faculty advisor Mr. Abhi Brar. Both are moving on to new stages in their lives and don't have the time for us anymore. Jean is picking up more travelling and relaxation time while Mr. Brar is leaving San Leandro High in pursuit of a new opportunity presented to him I hope we work things out. I'm scared that we'll crash and burn.
I MUST MAINTAIN THE DIVISION.
I'm starting to hate Key Club and all this tedious and pointless work. I just want to get back out to doing service that makes me happy. I think I've lost it.
Yeah. Ohkay I'm going to go back to crying into my pillow now and trying to sleep. Just kidding, who needs sleep.
Goodbye. | | |
| Of my unexcused absence. If this xanga was a reflection of my attendance at school, I would have to repeat several grades for lack of showing up.
I think now is a pretty good time to blog considering that I'm awake with my daily routine missing and I feel like my head's about to burst. I might as well write out to you all right? Hello there strangers, I haven't seen you in awhile. Have you missed me?
Things have been pretty crazy since the last time I've blogged. Well not really crazy, there's days of crazy days of unbelievable boredom. Let's rewind the clock shall we?
WARNING Don't read all of this, its super boring.
July 12th, SUNDAY - Woke up early, cooked, baked, rushed, Brandon Chen helped me finish up and my mommy. RTC meeting was blah. Devin was absent, I made way too much food. The Region 17 Male Advisor was scary I don't know his name. Mr. Hennings was business like always except he was in shorts, flip flops, and a hawaiian shirt. Made me laugh. I took better notes then Victor (D12W) did and he's the secretary hahahah. Afterwards, hung out at the park with Christian Layoso (D8 LTG) while Region 17 had their region meeting. Christian left and I sang to myself. Region 17 left without saying bye. Brandon picked me up and we killed time at Tapioca Express catching up. I went home, took a nap, fell and cut my knee and picked up a great big bruise. When I woke up I made an excuse to go out and Harry took me on an adventure. Spent the night out of home and on Monday there was hell to pay.
July 13th, MONDAY - As I was leaving and getting ready to journey home. I received some very angry phone calls. Facing major trouble at home and needing to get there fast but risking taking three hours on my own. I woke up two people very selfishly and pleaded for help. Victor (same as above) as well as Steven Deng came to my rescue and I got home in approx. 90 minutes rather than 180. We had a major family discussion... more like a major dad then mom lecture. Nearing the end, I excused myself to go shower while Duy stirred up some more issues. Daniel played on the couches while we all sat there solemnly. Some of us in tears, others breathing hard to control themselves. After showering, I stayed in my room and slept. For most of the rest of the day. Dinner was the usual affair following the unusual day of quietness. We didn't talk and we just ate. Same old same old normal bullshit.
July 14th, TUESDAY - This began the days of sucking up to my parents and being a good child. Attentive older sister and hardworking daughter. I took Daniel to the Library and to Subway and fed him and talked to him and took good care of him. A boring day in all.
July 15th, WEDNESDAY - Day 2 of Operation Kiss Ass. Daniel and I went on an adventure and walked from home to Siempre Verde park, I even played waterguns with him while he scootered around with the two small waterguns I had bought the day before. We ran into Gino on his way to work out and after Daniel got bored I called up Michael Lee to give us a ride to a park with more children for Daniel to befriend. We met at Wendy's and I bought Daniel and strawberry shake and a chocolate frosty for myself. We went to Cherry Grove where Daniel befriended another kid with a scooter and shot the other kids with water. Michael and I worked on his music crossword puzzle homework from summer school and by working on it I mean, I did it for him all except 3 or 5 of the answers I found. After dragging a reluctant Daniel home I returned to being a good daughter.
July 16th, THURSDAY - Day 3 of Op KA. I took Daniel to the Lawrence Hall of Science in Berkeley because he had gotten a free admission ticket from the summer reading program. I however, had to pay for my ticket although all I did was follow behind him and sit. The travel there was tedious and I tried reading but I gave up and played DS with Daniel. The Hall of Science sucked booty in my opinion. Complete with crappy overpriced food. Daniel did not have the patience to actually read the directions of anything and only wanted to play all he could and didn't learn squat. Carolyn called me and we decided to meet up. I bussed and barted back to San Leandro with Daniel and met up with Carolyn, David, Dennis, and Justin. We went back to Berkeley for Dennis and Carolyn's piercing yet I ended up eating froyo with David and Daniel at this little store with a janky sign but good froyo. Carolyn ended up not be able to get the piercing so when Dennis finished we went to Albany to meet up with some other idiots. (Richard, Chris, Jonathan, and Tenzin. + Shayna but she's not an idiot.) After standing around we drove back to Oakland to the Korean Pool House down the street from Koreana Plaza. Nathan and all of his friends were there too. I asked Duy to come pick up Daniel before he got cancer from all the second hand smoke. After Daniel got picked up Carolyn Justin and I got food at the plaza. After pool, we ended up at David's little rented room waiting for something to happen. Dennis and Carolyn left for a bit to go to Shooting Star Cafe and then Richard, Chris, Kevin, Shayna, and Jonathan showed up after they had their own adventure. While they had fun with their Sex On A Beach Sheesh, I made ramen and washed dishes and planned out how to make the place suck less. Eventually we all separated and Carolyn went home in trouble and David slept over at my house. My parents fed him bun and I washed some more dishes at home too.
July 17th, FRIDAY - On this day I went to go donate my B Positive blood at the San Leandro Hospital. I saw Trang there and talked with the nice nurse about dragonboating. Her name was Irene her sister just graduated from my school. Her brother and uncle I think also worked at the blood drive. They made fun of me. T-T I like giving blood even though I'm not actually supposed to because I'm back under 110lbs. I'm healthy though and giving blood doesn't faze me or make me drowsy. So I'll keep trying to gain weight and give blood. Although you can only do once every 8 weeks. I came home and David was still asleep. Duy left soon after I came home and then I made SPAM and rice for sleeping beast and Daniel. David left after I gave him and old backpack and some information I compiled for him. Daniel and I chilled at home cause I didn't want to go anywhere. This night while waiting for a phone call that didn't come, I videochatted with Ryan (D7S LTG) and Willy (District Secretary) which at first was awkward but we started playing truths which was interesting. I think they think I'm insane. I also called on Alexander Pham (D21 LTG) who was grooming himself for sleep and we caught up since we don't talk everyday anymore. In fact we rarely talk at all now.
July 18th, SATURDAY - I don't actually remember anything interesting from this day so I must not have done much. I believe though that I went to Royce's house for Ong Ngoc's birthday. I had no fun. It was loud and full of Ong Ngoc's son's friends who drink too much. When they left to go party more elsewhere around 11 the house got a lot quieter. We went home a little after that.
July 19th, SUNDAY - We went to church at St. Anthony's which is rare and I sat in front of Tony (childhood Sunday school friend) and his friend. Church ended with me punching Tony and running off without saying a proper hello and how are you. We also ran into James and Jason (two of the delightful kids I used to babysit). Jason is no longer a chubby baby and he's walking now. Its hard to believe I used to rock him to sleep and change his diapers. James is a bit bigger and still shy although I used to feed him and give him baths. The rest of the day was a bore I believe. Just the usual chatting and what not. Tony wanted me to hang out with him as part of his birthday celebration week.
July 20th, MONDAY - In the afternoon, Duy dropped me off in Alameda sans Daniel because he was with the neighbors. Tony and I were supposed to watch Public Enemies but without proof of ID and age, the stupid theater in Alameda wouldn't let us in. How lame. We ended up eating at Panda Restaurant where the workers call Tony "Tommy" and refer to him as a special friend because he eats there so much. We caught up and he scolded me for texting so much. I lost my appetite after Tony found a piece of metal in his food. I ate my fortune cookie though. The fortune told me that "Tomorrow you will find what you have been seeking." Which of course, didn't come true. Afterwards we walked to Planet Crepe which was closed. Then we walked a long walk to the beach where I saw mexican kids trying to fish and another one running naked. T-T I played in the sand and got my clothes dirty Q.Q but I did get a lot of sand in Tony's shoes, a plus. Went to McDonalds for french fries and then walked around the shopping center listening to stories. Stopped at Radioshack, Office Depot, and Walgreens. Then walked to Tony's house to look up directions home and said hi to his Dad and Uncle. Chatted about my parents and looked at his senior photo proofs. Started walking to the bus stop but his older brother and his girlfriend offered me a ride home. Got home and then did chores and had dinner. The usual. My aunt and cousins also came back from Vietnam on this day although I didn't see them.
July 21st, TUESDAY - A lot of crazy news came this day and Carolyn and Connie dropped by around 1130 or 1200 and I fed them frozen pizza, bacon, and eggs. Then we played with my neighbors puppies and took pictures of the cuties. Carolyn and Connie picked up Elena at the BART Station and then we played with the puppies some more. Elena brought Jalapeno Cheesy Bread which I didn't like. Carolyn and Connie left and then Elena and I had some heart2heart time. My mom came home and Elena gave her a whole bunch of the bread. We also carried in boxes from Vietnam and I got four weird tailored dress shirts, three of which will be passable with altering and one absolutely inexcusable one. I also got a dress that I need to find a belt to wear with. Sergio came over and we took Daniel to the library where we played I SPY and Where's Waldo. Then we went to Denny's and ate some random ass food and failed to win anything from the game with the claw and stuffed animals. Went home and talked some more after Sergio left. When my dad came home I walked Elena to BART and went to Dennis's. Justin picked me up on theway when he drove by which was lucky cause I didn't know where the house was. Slow start people trickled in. The party was horrible for me. Thank you to those of you who took care of me. (Justin, Richie, Elizabeth, Nandiya, Khiem, etc.) Sorry I didn't accomplish what I set out to do Carolyn. I wish I could have. I got home by one and KO'd.
July 22nd, WEDNESDAY - Spent most of the day with stomach pains and sleeping. Ate very little and lazed about. I was supposed to take Aileen out to SF but her dad decided to not let her.
July 23rd THURSDAY - Carolyn and Justin came over and we played with the puppies again. Then Earl came and we were playing wii at Aileen (the neighbors) house. I think this was Thursday. Aileen owned and then Daniel played golf. We went to tapioca express for a bit and I also got french fries from McDonalds. We watched some Sonny with a Chance and then Carolyn and Justin had to go and so did Earl. I watched some Wizards on Waverly place with Aileen and then went home to figure out Key Club stuff. Went back to sleep for a big part of the day. Duy left for orientation in LA.
July 24th FRIDAY - Did nothing interesting I believe. I watched a lot of TV and cleaned. Daniel was at my aunt's and Duy was in and out of the house.
July 25th SATURDAY - woke up to make cookies and brownies for the DCM Duy came home from Orientation the night before so he dropped Daniel and I off at Piedmont Park. I was late to the DCM because Daniel wouldn't wake up and we got lost. Piedmont provided pizza and water and my baked goods were a hit. 17 Attendees D: from five diff. schools. Sighs -__-" my fault for the last minute notice. We played human knot and sat in the sun while I talked and talked. My DCMs are always random because I'm too personal when speaking T-T but it was nice. I liked it. Kevin Arthur decided to give me and Daniel a ride to BART. We dropped off Thomas Huey and Steven Mah walked home. Frank Yu also rode along and he realized he could go home to San Leandro since I live in San Leandro too! So I chatted with Kevin while Frank got his stuff, his senior year is going to be very interesting with his commuting from new family house in San Leandro to single room renting by his high school. My dad picked up Frank, Daniel, and I at Laney college and we drove back to SL. Frank's new house is in the hills behind the school (relatively close to me) and is actually in the same neighborhood as Dominic Juarez (an old middle school friend who my mom used to drive home all the time). Its always funny holding a conversation with Frank. He's so polite and socially clumsy. Home and rest.
July 26th SUNDAY - Went to church, came home for a bit and then went to San Jose for the rest of the day. Fun day, lots of exercise and laughs. Going home sucked. Harry picked me up around 1025 and we ended up stopping by Cupertino for some frozen yogurt at tuttimelon yum. On the way out we ran into some crazy chicks who wanted to know where we got the froyo. We told them the store inside the plaza closed at 11 and they freaked out! Some screams later plus a bad parking job they ran off shouting toward the direction we pointed them in. How silly. Good talk on the way home and then a return to the usual.
July 27th YESTERDAY - Worst Monday morning ever. Not what I wanted my Monday to be like. Not what I had wished it would be. I wasted the day away playing stupid games and waiting for responses. I think I need to reorganize my feelings and priorities so that I don't hurt myself so goddamn much. The night did not get better.
July 28th TODAY - I am going to sleep eventually when I can. When I can clear my head a bit more and fall asleep peacefully, hopefully. When I wake up I'm going to take Daniel to the library after feeding him breakfast reading his books and then I'm going to take him to Castro Valley after we drop off his books at home. There's a fundraiser for the Castro Valley High Key Club at the Ice Creamery and I want to go. Hopefully this midnight between yesterday and today gets better.
SILLY YOU!
SHOULDN'T HAVE READ ALL THIS.
GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE. | | |
| did absolutely nothing to make me feel better.
I just need to type and let it out yeah? So forgive me if this is rude, insensitive, selfish, egotistical, etc etc. make no sense nonsense.
There are times when you can make me feel like shit. There are times when you make me feel like I'm the only thing in the whole world that matters. There are times that you frustrate me and annoy me and yet I still can't help but smile because its you. I'm just typing, so don't say to me that it's not worth it, because despite all this inner turmoil you provide me, you truly can make me happy.
I know reading this may hurt (addressing someone else) but it's fact and I hate having to hide what I say because I fear hurting others. I hate lying to myself because I want to please someone else. I just need to be able to be me.
To those of you (again, other people) who have been there before, who have held my hand and told me everything would be fine, and then left me. Abandoned me when I needed you. I hate you all. But I can't hate you, because I can't deny that you have changed me. I can't deny that there was a side effect of you being in my life and therefore I cannot hate you because you have shaped me to the person I am today, which may not be the best person, but it's the only person I have and I just have to make do with myself.
To those of you, that I myself have neglected. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we have grown apart and that I have run from you in fear of being rejected for the person I have become. I know that sorry is not enough and that I should have stopped myself and turned around to fix things before they have fallen to the state they are now. But perhaps this is for the best. We can all more forward with our lives and look back on this one day and hopefully smile at the memories. If you still want me, in all the horribleness that I am, feel free to come and get me.
I return to my inner monologue to you, because you are always on my mind. In the time we have shared, you've managed to change me so that I can barely believe this is me. I feel so comfortable and free to be as I want because you'd always accept me. There's always that nagging voice in the back of my head though that scares me so much. That makes my chest pound and tighten because I'm so afraid that I'll lose you and lose myself and lose all the things that make me happy. . . I had to stop typing for a bit there. Gosh, it's unbelievable the power you hold over me. I hate giving myself up more than anything and yet for you I would.
To myself. Dear Christina, Stop being so stupid, so silly, so self-centered.
The world does not revolve around you and cannot change to fit your current mood. You should be grateful for everything that you have and stop worrying about what you do not have. You need to retrieve back what you have lost due to your own negligence and stupidity. You need to stop lazing about and do something worthwhile with your life. Stop putting off the things that matter and wasting time on the trivial. Please I beg of you to be someone worth what is given to you.
-end vent- | | |
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